0052 MONDAY August 26th, 2024
Excerpt:
Existing is easy, living is hard. Harder yet is choosing to exit.
For all the joys we experience,
equal if not greater torment.
So few equalities in this world,
it just is.
I cannot crack this shell,
I want the interior to seep.
I want what I've earned,
and nothing's what I'm owed.
I find peace only in sleep,
made invisible among sheep.
How cruel for a stomach to crave
what the brain cannot fathom
what hands cannot grasp
what the heard cannot muster
and moreover having not tried
to draw lines a foot higher.
Everyday feels more laborious
soon to be each minute
and seconds, only a second.
Soon pleasure outweighs work,
and yet it all feels like labor.
What will become a regret next?
There seems nothing unquestioned.
No certainties for me, no joy to be.
Does any guarantee exist?
Should I wipe expectations?
No, all pointless drivel.
The point is to find balance, to be comfortable with the opposite. The point is not to spiral. The point is overcoming weakness. The point is being free from crutches. The point is to grow the fuck up. Stop digging that little pity hole. I cannot find that arbitrary balance of self hate and love. Even in admitting I cannot, I recognize the false pretenses. Its all bullshit.
Everyone has advice, no answers. There are no answers. There are no ends but the final curtain pull. Everything is but a means. We're all racing to the tip of the spear, but we'll near never reach the point.
Am I cursed to repeat the same life until I learn some lesson? It's not that I don't understand. It's just that I don't like the answers.
DFWYNLM #175
Comments